


Seven times 29

by Bees_forever



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, And becasue I wanted to add, Anger, Angst, Because I don't understand them in the show, Ghost angst, Ghost physics aren't like in the show, Griddy’s Doughnuts (Umbrella Academy), Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Prostitution, Luther On The Moon, Mentions of past Patch/Diego, Post-Divorce, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, The Moon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-10-11 08:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20543018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bees_forever/pseuds/Bees_forever
Summary: Seven Birthday children like every year.And like every year for a while now they're all on their own.Well, apart from two of them maybe.





	1. The forgotten birthday

**Author's Note:**

> This started as me trying to write something angsty for Five but then I had to make it about all of them and since they have a very convenient order to go by... here you go.

**Number One: The forgotten birthday**

Luther wakes up to the ring of his alarm. He rubs his eyes, gets up and looks around in his small station on the top of the moon. Then he makes sure to give water to his plant.

_ Every day is the same, isn’t it Luth?_

He eats his breakfast. Not much left. He has to remind Dad about sending more food again. It has been a topic in all the letters he writes about his research for a while now, yet Dad keeps forgetting. Even though he reminds him to send more food. Maybe he should write it on the envelope too? Dad’s pretty busy. It might take him some time to go through his research. Luther will try to do that if he doesn’t get more food soon. For now he’ll be okay. He’ll just stop eating his lunch then. No problem. He’s forgotten it a few times now anyway.

_That’s a change in your days at least. Yay for you!_

He goes outside to do his research. It’s all the same and he does what he has to do. What his Dad told him to do. He writes things down. Makes notes. He measures other things.

* * *

  
He thinks about his siblings.   
Sometimes he hears them talk to him.   
It’s been like that for a year or so. He asks himself if he should tell Dad.

Today it’s worse than usually.

When his tools fall down while repairing a minor damage at the station, Klaus laughs at him.   
He can see him too today.   
He’s not wearing a spacesuit obviously but his normal clothes the ones he wore the last time he saw him. A colorful crop top and very tight black leather pants.   
The low gravity doesn’t seem to affect him either. He’s sitting cross-legged on the surface on the moon with a giant grin on his face, picking up Luther’s tools and handing them up to him.   
_Here you go, oh perfect leader. Bit scatterbrained today, eh? Make sure you don’t forget anything important.   
_“Thanks,” Luther tells his phantom brother.  
_Don't mention it. _Klaus smiled and winked.   
Luther closes his eyes. When he opens them again Klaus is gone.   
Then he picks up his tools himself.

_You’re an idiot,_ Diego tells him as he is making calculations on the rocks he found. _What are you even doing this for? Did Dad ever tell you? I bet he never did, did he? You just trust him._   
Luther shrugs and continues.  
“I’m sure he has his reasons,” he tells his brother who isn’t there.  
_Yeah, apologize for him. Look at yourself! You’re going mad. Hallucinating and you’re forgetting everything important!_ Diego spits but when Luther looks up again to ask what he means he’s gone.

_ Luther._ Vanya looks sad.   
She always does of course. Luther doesn’t remember her looking not sad.  
He tries to ignore the hallucinations this time. It doesn’t pay to feed into this. His siblings aren’t really there.   
_Luther! Look at me!_ her voice is urging him.   
He makes a face and continues with his notes.  
_Remember what I wrote in my book about you? How I think you’re arrogant and selfish? That is what I think of you, Luther!_ She’s screaming now.   
He can’t ignore her. He’s not strong enough anymore.   
He looks up. “I’m sorry, Vanya,” he says. “For ignoring you. Now and all those years ago.”   
_That’s not why I’m angry with you._   
“Why then?”   
_Do you really not know?_ She squints at him. _I was right. You are selfish._

He’s staring down at the earth. Their pretty little planet.  
He should be doing some work or maybe clean up in the station but instead he’s looking down at the blue planet.   
_That’s a pretty view._ Allison smiles.   
She’s wearing the dress he’d seen her in on the red carpet once. It’s dark blue, it reminds him of the very first picture of the solar system he had as a child.  
_Do you like it here?_ she asks him, voice soft.   
Luther has to think about that for a bit. “It’s alright. I got a great view.”  
_Is it really alright?_   
He finds that he can’t answer that.   
Allison sighs. _You need to think about what you want to do with your life._   
That’s what she told him before she left. He swallows.   
_You need to really think about a lot of things, Luther. Really think. Remember._

Luther doesn’t know what they are all talking about.

* * *

He’s giving his plant water for the second time that day - he guesses it would be late afternoon on earth but time doesn’t really matter to him anymore, it’s just an order in which he sees his day go by - when Five turns up, looking like the little boy that left the academy in uniform and freshly combed hair.   
Luther’s forgotten how young they still were back then.  
_What happened to you?_ Five asks mouth half open as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing.   
Luther shrugs. “It was an accident. Dad saved my life,” he explains because that’s the explanation he got.  
_Not that._ Five says and shakes his head dismissively._ You don’t even know what’s going on anymore._   
He looks so disappointed in him. Luther can’t stomach to look at him.   
“I’m sorry.”   
_No. You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for. Pathetic._   
He is pathetic isn’t he? He shrugs and looks away.  
He wishes he had died during that accident… he wishes… he starts to pull on the fur through his clothes.  
Five watches him and shakes his head._ Pathetic._

His clock tells him that it’s time for him to go to bed. He can’t. His skin hurts.   
He’s lying on the floor of the space station which is too small and very uncomfortable but he’s there anyway.   
He should at least get his bleeding patched up but even that is too much.

  
He could walk out right now. Without his spacesuit on. Just out of the door. He’d die and it would be over with.

_You don’t want that._ At first he thinks now his plant has started to speak with him but then he sees Ben behind it.   
He looks so sad. Sadder even then Vanya did.   
Luther sits up.  
_You don’t want to die. Not really. You’re just trying to run from things. What happened to me doesn’t even matter to you._ Ben’s not angry. Just sad.   
“It would be easy,” Luther says. When did he start crying? His face is already wet anyway.  
_Easy?_ Ben looks at him. _You think I got it easy?_   
“No…” his voice breaks.  
_What about home? What about Dad? The mission? Did you forget what you’re here for?_   
“I don’t really know…”   
_You forgot all the things that are important in the world. You didn’t even look at the calendar today._  
“The calendar… why?”

He has a digital calendar. It’s convenient. He looks at it now.

**October 1st 2018**

Oh. Oh!  
  
That’s what his siblings were trying to remind him of.  
They’re 29 today. He looks up again. Ben is gone.

“Happy birthday guys,” Luther says into the empty of his space station. “I’m sorry I forgot.” 

Nobody answers.   
The one on the calendar turns into a two quickly.   
At home another day is over.

Luther cries.


	2. The birthday to right a wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego's birthday.

**Number Two: The birthday to right a wrong **

  
  
  
When September the 30th changes to October the 1st Diego is busy beating up kidnappers.

He’s still dealing with the aftermath three hours later treating his wounds and staring into his black and blue face that is already starting to swell up.  
It’s gonna hurt like hell in the morning, he thinks as he lets himself fall down on his uncomfortable bed.

He sleeps until early noon and when he wakes up his prediction from the night before proofs itself to be right.   
Taking an Aspirin he goes to look at the calendar.   
He knows what day it is of course but he checks again, just to make sure it’s really _that_ day.

Diego hates their birthday, not only since Vanya decided that it was the perfect day to publish her stupid book.   
He had hated it ever since he was old enough to understand that their upbringing was messed-up, ever since he knew that every year spend in this horrible house was one year too much, ever since he had started to feel that burning anger inside of him aiming it at everyone and everything around him until he finally directed it at the person who really deserved it, their monster of a father.

He has grown since then, understands better now, but some things are hard to get rid off and hating his birthday is one of them for Diego.

* * *

He finally decides to maybe eat something and stumbles to his fridge.  
It’s empty. Of course it is, he hasn’t really eaten anything in his boiler room since… he doesn’t remember when that was.   
He sighs and stretches. He’ll pick up some food then.   
Maybe he’ll get Patch to buy him something, he could probably still play the birthday card with her, she never understood how much he dislikes his birthday and tried multiple times to make him celebrate it.   
But he isn’t sure if he’s ready to see her yet after the last time she used the taser on him. He can’t believe that she actually did that to him. Again.

He shakes his head and gets out of his boiler room after grabbing his police radio and sneaks out of the backdoor.  
He really doesn’t need to get told to sweep the floors now too.

It got cold early this year and he pulls his jacket around himself, deciding to take his car.

There’s another thing he hates about this day, it’s the way it makes him think about his siblings.   
People he really doesn’t want to think about.

Is Klaus freezing too right now?  
Because that dumbass is definitely not able to take care of himself and out somewhere.

Is Allison having a birthday party with the niece he never met and the perfect Hollywood husband he never liked?  
Oh, no, she’s getting divorced isn’t she? Maybe it’s just a party with her dumb Hollywood friends, then.

Vanya can celebrate the fourth year her book is out. How great for her.   
She’s probably not even sorry for it.

And Luther is probably sitting somewhere on the moon, with whatever Dad sends him up there.

Diego wants to feel anger at all of them. Especially Luther.  
But he’s not a kid anymore and since moving out twelve years ago he’s learned a lot more self-reflexion which surprises himself more than anyone except maybe Patch but she isn’t here, she is not part of this.  
He sighs as he starts his car. He doesn’t miss Eudora or anything he tells himself as he rubs at his swollen eye hoping it won’t give him trouble driving, it’s just when you spend so much time with someone it gets hard to not think about them from time to time.

The police radio doesn’t have anything for him today, a robbery in a big store, the police can handle that one better probably, Diego stays away from big things like that. He doesn’t do his work so that he can get celebrated by the public. That’s over and it was stupid in the first place.

He just wants to do it to safe lives, because that does seem to be the right thing. If he can throw knives like this he might as well use them for the good.  
Just without attention.  
Not like their father wanted. He’s righting wrongs and sticking it to that asshole.  
It’s perfect.

No matter what Eudora tells him everytime she sees him lurking around on “her” crime scenes.

* * *

He drives through the city for a while listening to the babble of the police radio.  
He listens up when an overdose is mentioned and breaths out when it is specified that it was a female junkie.   
Not Klaus. That’s good.  
Last year Klaus overdosed on their birthday. He did that a few times now.   
He overdoses too much in general (alone the fact that he did once should be too much but Klaus got a way of over doing everything) but October the 1st seems to be a date he likes.   
October the 31st is another favorite of his and Diego isn’t sure if that means that ghosts are really more active on Halloween, he wouldn’t put it past his brother to do it just for the dramatic flair.   
As horrible as it is that Klaus has favorite days to overdose on it does help Diego watch out for his fucked-up brother and that’s good because who else is doing it?

Maybe that’s a little like the saving lives thing too.   
It’s Diego’s way to right a wrong.  
He’s not always entirely sure what wrong but he knows it’s because of Dad. Everything that’s wrong with them is because of him.

* * *

In the end he decides to have his very late breakfast at Griddy’s.

Normally he doesn’t really like the too greasy, sugary food there but then again it is his birthday and this place is where he and his siblings used to eat when they snuck out and if that isn’t in the spirit of their shared birthday he doesn’t know what is.

He orders a chocolate donut and a coffee and sits down in a booth near the window staring out at the grey parking lot.   
He’s a little surprised when a car stops and Eudora gets out, this isn’t really her place either.   
She heads inside and sits down in front of him.

“Don’t you want to ask me first if I’m waiting for someone?” Diego asks her.  
She raises an eyebrow. “Are you?”   
Diego looks into his coffee. “No…” he mumbles then he looks up at her again.   
Eudora smirks. “I thought so.”

Diego shrugs and takes a bite from the donut. “Why are you here?”  
“Not because of you,” she tells him.   
Now it’s on Diego to raise an eyebrow. “Then why are you sitting here?” he asks her.   
“You looked lonely and I know it’s your birthday, so…” she shrugs and looks at him, looks at his bruised and swollen face. “You were out last night,” she notes.   
“Yeah,” Diego says and looks down at his coffee. “Someone had to bring that family their kid back.”  
She sighs and shakes her head but doesn’t scold him.   
Another birthday perk he thinks.

Patch orders a coffee for herself and a donut filled with something that would probably be too much for Diego to handle right now.

“So… you’re twenty-nine now,” she tells him and raises an eyebrow as if his age is supposed to tell him more.   
“Yeah, I know,” Diego says and shrugs. “So?”  
“I don’t know… just… we’ve known each other for almost ten years now. Makes me a little nostalgic I guess,” she says and smiles a tiny bit.

That’s probably the best he’ll get from her today so he smiles back.

They finish their coffees and donuts in silent, none of them sure what to say.  
Diego doesn’t want to destroy their little truce by saying something stupid and ending it with a fight.

When their done Eudora pays for him not even listening to his protesting.   
“It’s your birthday. You don’t accept presents so accept that at least,” she tells him.   
Diego rolls his eyes but sighs and lets her pay for him.

  
They walk over the parking lot towards their cars when Eudora holds him back. “Don’t go out tonight to do your thing. For once Diego take a break from all of this shit,” she tells him before she lets go of his arm and gets in her car.   
Diego watches her drive away before he gets into his own car to drive home himself.

* * *

When he reaches his room there’s an angry note of his employer/landlord which he crumbles up and throws away before he throws himself on his bed.   
Maybe Eudora is right.   
Maybe he should take it easy tonight.

But then he police radio interrupts his train of thought mentioning a break-in a few streets away and Diego gets up. There are things he just has to do and this is one of them.


	3. The regretful birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison spends her 29th birthday alone.

**Number Three: The regretful birthday**

This is the first birthday she’s all alone.  
Even her 19th the one she’d just moved out of the Academy hadn’t been as lonely since she had quickly made friends… but were those even real friends? Made with her power instead of real friendship…  
Ten years later she sits alone in her new apartment and regrets it. She regrets a lot of things now but she can't take any of them back.   
She never realized that she wouldn't be able to take it back. That Patrick would be that angry, that it was that _wrong_.  
But now she knows. Just that now is too late.   
She has already lost everything.

Last year Claire woke her up with kisses and giggles and singing and Patrick brought her breakfast in bed.   
After that they snuggled.   
It was a great birthday and she had only a few moments where she thought about her siblings. 

At first she tried to keep in contact with her remaining siblings after she moved out, which included her sending off birthday cards to everyone of them but around the time Vanya’s book got published that stopped too, for some time she told herself that it was the book’s fault, like it was the final cut making her stop sending those cards out but no she knows it was her, just as much as this is her fault now. This loneliness.

She doesn’t know how to make things right with them at the moment.   
She needs to get into the clear with herself first that was what she had promised and what the therapist advised.   
First get herself fixed, then she would try and fix her relationship with everyone else.

Today was hard though. Their birthday was what truly connected them after all - aside from their father adopting them of course - and her thoughts go to the others easily.   
She shakes her head and sighs. This isn’t helping.   
Now she regrets taking a break from playing to get herself back on track, work would distract her right now.

* * *

Ever since Allison was little she knew that she wanted to be a mother, even before they had Grace, when ‘mother’ was a concept she only knew from stories the Nannies, who taught them to call their father Dad but them by their names, read to them she knew she wanted to have a child.  
Just one child who would never have to share her attention with any siblings.

It was such a warm and normal fantasy to engage in, such a nice thing.   
She remembers laying awake after their long days of training and missions, imagining what her family would look like. 

And Claire and Patrick were exactly what she had imagined.

Well she hadn’t imagined that there would be problems.   
That she would stand in a supermarket with a screaming Toddler people staring at her while she tried desperately to figure out a way to stop her from crying.  
Her powers were the only rational solution, she told herself.

It was an advantage and the best way to get what she wanted, it had always been the best way.   
And now her powers were the reason she had lost the most important person in her life.

She stares out of her bedroom window looking over Los Angeles, thinking about how different her last birthday had been.  
How much she wishes to go back in time.   
To take everything back.

She closes her eyes and shakes her head.   
She has to stop this. Wake up from this _childish_ dream.   
This is her reality now.

The divorce, Patrick having sole custody over Claire, the mandatory therapy… that had never been in one of her dreams when she was a little girl but it was what had happened and it is all her fault.   
  
She has discussed this with her therapist (it isn’t as bad as she had feared at first it’s actually quite okay) how she had - because of her powers but also because of the encouragement of her powers - never learned that there are consequences for her actions.  
  
That what happened to her as a child was bad (though she knew that already, she thinks even Luther might know deep down that their childhood was messed up) and that it isn’t her fault what their father did to her and her siblings (she hadn’t actually known that and once she realized it she spend the rest of the day crying in her apartment) but that she’s an adult now and that her decisions were truly hers, now things could be her fault and this was one of them.

She also realized another thing.   
How much they were hurting as children, how much they hurt each other.   
Now as an adult she wishes she could go back and just hug all of her siblings apologize for all the things she did, all the things their father made her do.

She sighs and shakes her head sipping from her coffee.   
Most of it is her fault. She’s an adult and she needs to learn that things are her responsibility.

* * *

The phone rings a few hours later when Allison is preparing breakfast, she hurries to it.

“Yes? Allison Hargreeves,” she gets out knowing who it is.  
“Mommy? Daddy said I could talk extra long with you cause it’s your birthday today!” Claire sounds happy.   
Allison sucks the air in. She loves her so much, she wants to be there with her right in this moment. “Hi, sweetheart, that’s… that’s good,” she smiles. 

“Tell Daddy thank you from me, yeah?”  
“Okay!” she can hear Claire turning and saying something and she can hear a not too friendly grumble from Patrick. “Daddy says Happy Birthday from him too! And from me!” Claire’s voice is so happy she can hear the smile in it.   
Allison wishes she could see it too. “Thank you, baby,” she says and smiles feeling her eyes burn.  
“I drew you a picture, once Daddy lets you visit again I’ll give it to you, yeah?”   
“Oh, that’ll be wonderful,,” Allison says.   
“It’s you and all of your siblings. Uncle Luther is on the moon cause he’s _Spaceboy_, uncle Diego is with the police cause that’s what he wanted to do, uncle Klaus is talking to ghosts and having lots of fun with them, uncle Five is playing tricks on some bad guys, aunt Vanya is playing her violin and you and me are in the middle of all of them celebrating your birthday.”   
Allison chuckles. “Oh, baby that sounds like such a great picture!” 

She knows that the speakers on and that Patrick is listening to every word they and especially she is saying. _‘He’s trying to protect her. From me. From her mother,’_ she thinks. _‘He thinks I’ll rumour her again. He doesn’t trust me.’_

“Yes, Mommy! I hope you’ll like it…”   
“I’m sure I will, I’ll hang it on my fridge. Like I did with the last one.”   
“Good!” Claire sounds happy. That’s good. That’s the only thing that counts to her.

They talk for a while after that.   
Claire tells her about school and her friends.   
Allison listens to her cheerful chit-chat and smiles. She imagines how it would be if she was just away to shoot a movie and would come back next week.

“Mommy? Daddy wants to talk to you now.” 

That shocks her.  
Patrick had tried to keep their conversations to as minimal as possible since everything went down.  
They mostly talk through their lawyers. 

She can hear the rustling as the receiver is exchanged and then she hears Patrick telling Claire to go play in her room.  
Her daughter protests for a moment and then she hears him tell her that Mommy and Daddy have to talk about adult things.   
Voice still calm.   
Until Claire shuffles off.   
No rumors necessary.

“Hello, Allison.” His voice is so different from how he talked to Claire before.   
Much colder.  
“Hey, Patrick,” she whispers.   
He’s quite for a moment before he clears his throat. “Listen. You’ve been apparently doing well with therapy and everything and…” he sighs deeply as if saying this is hard for him. “If you keep up the work maybe we can set up another visit at around christmas…” he sounds unsure like he thinks he might regret this and it breaks her heart.   
She wants to scream at him. Tell him she’s her _mother_ and he has no right to keep Claire away from her like that.  
“Christmas? Oh… that sounds great…” she says instead. Thankful for every little moment he gives her with their daughter. She hates it.   
“Yeah. We’ll see... “ he stops and is quiet for a bit again. “Happy Birthday, Alli.”   
Then he hangs up.

Allison sits back down at the kitchen table and looks at the breakfast she was about to prepare. She isn’t hungry anymore.  
She feels like crying but she really can’t. She needs to get herself together.   
All of this is on her.


	4. The birthday to wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus gets a present but he's still wishing for a lot more.

**Number Four: The birthday to wish**

Klaus strips out of his clothes and stares at his reflexion in the dirty bathroom mirror.  
So that’s what Ben has been talking about.

His chest is covered with bruises, colors shifting from purple to green and yellow to even black.  
He makes a face and let’s his hand go over the tender spots.  
“Fuck… guess it was a little worse than I thought it would be,” he mumbles and looks at Ben who has placed himself on the toilette behind him like the absolute creep he is.

“Yeah. Tell me about it. That guy got you good,” Ben agrees.  
“Well… got me some money at least,” Klaus says and grins pretty happy with himself.  
So what? Yeah he might have gotten a bit of a beating but he also got some money out of it. It’s fine.  
And now he’s in a bathroom. With a bathtub and a roof over his head and running water.  
Though that isn’t related to the money he is keeping closely in his backpack. Nothing better than that anyway. 

* * *

There’s a knock on the door before it opens. 

This bathroom door doesn’t have a key or other way to lock it and Klaus is sure it’s because of one too many junkies overdosing in here.

Beverly smiles at him, she’s a tall woman with a lot of different smiles and she and her wife are a safe address for a lot of homeless junkies.  
“I’ve got some clothes for you. Stuff still left from Dominik,” she tells him and smiles her sad smile putting down a pair of black leathery pants and a colorful shirt.  
“Thanks,” Klaus says with surprise. “You know I got my own clothes but these are rad!”  
She smiles warmly and shakes her head. “Look at it as a birthday present,” she tells him.  
Klaus looks at her a little taken aback.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, honey. I was seventeen in ‘89 I remember all those women giving birth all of a sudden. And I’ve watched the Umbrella Academy get popular. I know who you are Klaus Hargreeves. And I remember that it was October the first because… well mostly because Cassie reminded me,” she smiles again when she mentions her wife a smile that makes Klaus ache for that teenager she was around his birth and he knows that she’s telling the truth.  
Bevy's not a crazy fan. Obviously.  
Cassie... that's more likely, she's a little younger. Might just have had a few posters of them on her bedroom walls. 

“Your chest looks really bad. Do I want to know where you got that from?”  
“Nope, don’t think you do,” Klaus says and grins at her widely.  
She sighs but nods and looks at him. “Just sure you don’t die while you’re staying here. Don’t want the police here again.”  
“Yes, ma’am,” Klaus says and salutes.  
She shakes her head and sighs not smiling anymore, that’s sad, Klaus likes all her smiles.  
Make her look at least ten years younger.

“I’ll leave you to it then. If you need anything me and Cassie are downstairs.”  
With that she leaves Klaus in the small and moldy bathroom.

* * *

He undresses completely and glides into the warm water.  
At least Ben has the decency to look away as he does, which is probably all he can expect of his overly worried ghost brother without any sense for boundaries and personal space.

He soaks in the water for a bit and stares at the ceiling.

“You know, Ben,” he says after a while. “You could have reminded me of our birthday. I didn’t even get you a present…”

Ben rolls his eyes and looks at him. “I don’t have a birthday anymore. I’m dead.”  
Now Klaus rolls his eyes and he throws a piece of soap after Ben which goes right through him of course.  
It breaks on the ground.  
“Klaus! That’s not your stuff in here!”  
“It’s _Birth_day, Benji. Not... Lifeday. You might be dead but you were still born,” Klaus argues not even reacting to Ben’s scolding. “So. Today’s still your birthday.”

Ben sighs and shakes his head as if it isn’t worth it to discuss this with Klaus.  
Which is really rude but apparently that is just how his brother is and it’s their birthday so Klaus is willing to forgive him.  
For now.

“How about for our birthday I… let you read a book from around here?” he asks. “I can hold it and turn the pages for you?”  
It sounds like something Ben likes but instead of looking happy that for once Klaus is doing something nice for him he looks at him with this mix of sadness, disapproval and hidden anger only Ben knows how to get right in a way that never fails to make Klaus feel guilty. 

“How about you go downstairs to these two nice ladies who have decided to give you somewhere to stay for the night after you showed up in front of their door and tell them that you have decided to take their offer to get you into a good rehab,” he says, there’s not much hope in his voice. “That would be a great birthday present for _all_ of us.”  
Klaus leans back in the bath and shakes his head. "No can do, brother of mine," he tells Ben who obviously has expected that answer but still scowls a little.  
Klaus shrugs.

He knows Ben wants him to get clean and stay sober but he can’t to that for him.  
Not for anyone of the others either.  
Not even for all of his siblings together.

He hasn’t ever said that out loud nor has any of them ever addressed it but it’s something that was always in the air whenever his family has tried to address his drug use over the years. Unspoken but true

  
He doesn’t love anyone as much as his siblings but not even that love is enough for him to stop taking drugs.  
He can’t get clean.  
Not even for the people he loves the most.

He’s pretty sure everyone but Ben has given up on him already anyway and Ben doesn’t really have another option does he?  
If Ben was still alive he probably wouldn’t still be begging him to stop either.

He’d have a life.  
Some nerdy bookish job. Like librarian maybe.  
Someone to love.  
Maybe he’d have a child like Allison. Or at least a dog.

Klaus shakes his head. Thinking about the life Ben never got makes him sad and he doesn’t want to be sad today.  
It’s his birthday after all.

He looks up and sees his brother has vanished.  
Where ever to he doesn’t know.

* * *

With the foam in the tub Klaus starts forming seven little birthday cakes.  
They’re not much more than small sad heaps on the water but Klaus likes them anyway.  
Not perfect like the people they’re for.

He blows on the first one.  
“Happy birthday, Luther,” he says and imagines him on the moon with a little party hat and a cool rocket shaped cake waving down at the little teensy weensy tiny earth and thinking about them.

He blows on the second one.  
“Happy birthday, Diego,” he says and imagines him telling him he’s proud of him for not overdosing so far.  
He’s wearing a police uniform too.

He blows on the third one.  
“Happy birthday, Allison,” he says and imagines her in one of her pretty skirts living the life in LA, maybe having a fun day with her daughter.  
Divorce or not they can have fun right? Klaus really has to keep up with the magazines about her but those are expensive, maybe with the money he has now.

He leaves the fourth one out for now.

He blows on the fifth one.  
“Happy birthday, Five,” he says and imagines him wherever he is now, maybe in a cool futuristic world where they have hoverboards and flying cars and Five is this super smart scientist.  
Hopefully the future doesn’t suck. Hopefully he gets to be twenty-nine and even older. 

He blows on the sixth.  
“Happy birthday, Benny-boy,” he says and imagines him suddenly not being a ghost anymore,  
Ben surrounded by books he can read because he can _touch_ them.

He blows on the seventh.  
“Happy birthday, Vanya,” he says and imagines her forgiving them for the things that happened and them forgiving her for the book and all of them visiting one of her violin concerts.  
He’d make them all T-Shirts with her face on and Luther could take him on his shoulders so he can scream loudly like he’s at a rock concert and make all the stuffy orchestra people stare at them.

Then he looks back at the fourth one which is now crumbled and the smallest and finally blows on it too.  
“Happy birthday, Klaus,” he says and closes his eyes wishing for all that to be true or to become true.  
He wishes for 29 to be their lucky number finally. 

Then he gets out of the tub.

It’s gotten cold in the small bathroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might seem unfocused and unfinished and well it is… partially because I suck but partially because Ben's point of view might explain a little more… (I hope)


	5. The lonely birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five has two calendars.  
One tells the current date.  
The other tells the date he wishes it was.

** Number five: The lonely birthday **

Five has two calendars.  
He keeps them in two seperate big folders and they function both as calendars and journals.

The first one continues from the day in 2019 he landed on.  
In it he catalogues his inventories, new things he learned about survival, and a couple of new ideas on how to come back to his family.

The second one continues from the day he ran away.  
Delores once asked him if that was really necessary since he could just subtract the number of days he already spend here from the year thus making his second calendar totally useless but Five told her he likes this two calendar system.  
That isn’t the whole truth though. He likes the second calendar because while the years go on in the apocalypse he can only see time passing on himself but imagining his siblings growing alongside him… helps. Yes, they might have all grown up long before him - he knows how time worked - but he likes it anyway, despite how illogical it seems.

He likes tracking down the marks the lives of his siblings left in this world and he writes it down into the second calendars like his own special little family album.

It’s mostly small things like:

> _**January 24th 2011:** Allison’s movie “The second best way to die” gets published - mostly good critiques._   
_ **May 10th 2012:** Klaus has been sent to prison. (Offence? Drug use/possession???)_   
_ **August 1st 2014:** Vanya has a smaller summer concert. Moderate critiques. (Note to self: When back, find Ralph Uries before he writes that piece of shit!!!)_   
_ **September 21st 2013:** Diego is kicked out of the police academy. Goes on to vigilante justice as found in his file in the police station._   
_ **December 25th 2016:** Luther has send three “interestingly shaped” rocks from the moon. Apparently as christmas gifts despite us not celebrating any religious holidays (unopened, like every thing he send from the moon I’ve found so far. What were you playing old man?)_

And some bigger things like:

> _**April 14th 2014:** Claire’s birth - couldn’t track down the birth certificate due to Allison moving away to LA. Found a card in Diego’s car though.<strike> She’s just another reason to safe the world.</strike>  
**October 1st 2018:** Diego brought Klaus to the hospital - overdose. (Note to self: Once the world is safed get Klaus clean. Maybe prepare an intervention?)_

Five feels closer to his siblings every time he uncovers another piece of the lives they led It without him.  
That might be why he hasn’t left the city yet even though Delores keeps insisting he should, he only gets out of the city to get more supplies.

The longest he’s been gone was a few months.  
Of course with both of his calendars.

* * *

He’s been in the apocalypse for nearly sixteen years now.  
Sixteen years that were filled with despair and loneliness and too many of his thoughts.  
Sixteen years he spend with trying to get back.

He has spent more years in the apocalypse now than he has with his siblings.  
And still he misses them everyday.

Today is harder though.

It’s cold and stormy outside of the half destroyed house that he and Delores have currently taken shelter in.

They are sitting in the basement which has a considerably wine collection.  
A collection he is more than willing to take advantage of.

_This is your third bottle since we came here last night,_ Delores notes disapprovingly.  
Five shrugs. “I have to occupy my mind with something…” he tells her.  
_You could work. You know if you would spend half the time you’re drinking and feeling sorry for yourself with solving those equations we’d already be out of this mess,_ she tells him and he thinks that she might have a point.  
“I need somethings in life too!” he says and he hates how whiney his voice sounds.  
Delores isn’t impressed either.

_I know why you’re doing this. Your stupid calendar showed the 1st of October again and you were reminded of_ them_._ _Am I right?_  
She is, of course. She always is.

But today it’s not only the date it would have been if he stayed in his time though.

“I’m twenty-nine as of today,” he tells her.

_ Congratulations. Have you decided to be an adult this year?_ she mocks him.  
“That was their age when they…” he makes a gesture.  
Delores never says ‘your siblings’ or calls them by their names. It’s always _they_, with a bit of an annoyed,mocking undertone.  
Five adopted the word but not the tone.  
_I see. And drinking solves this how?_ she asks and she’s right, _so_ right, but Five can’t stop anyway.

He takes another gulp from the bottle.

It’s okay.  
Today it should be okay.  
He will not drink anything tomorrow but for today it should be okay.  
It’s his birthday and he’s allowed to do this today.

Tomorrow I won’t, he thinks.  
And really he won’t. It’s just today he needs this. Delores should understand that.

* * *

_You could at least try and get some work done simultaneously to drinking your brain away,_ Delores remarks after he has finished half of the bottle. _Maybe you’re lucky and solve the equations before all of your brain cells are gone._

She’s angry at him.  
He knows he deserves her anger too but he can’t help but huff childishly.

He does do as she tells him though and starts to continue with the equations from yesterdays work.

He leans over them sipping wine and mumbling to himself as he scribbles down things from time to time.  
Normally Delores would give him some advice but she’s keeping her mouth shout now.  
Typical, he thinks. She’s pissed at me and now I get the silent treatment.

It doesn’t take that long until the third bottle is finished too and he reaches for the fourth, trying to ignore Delores annoyed side-eye. He doesn’t have to hear this right now.  
He’s working.  
What more can she ask of him?

The alcohol helps his thoughts not going circles about everything this day means to him.

He’s twenty-nine now. The same age his siblings were when they died.  
Well, Ben was long dead as this point. But Klaus, Allison, Diego and Luther all died in the same moment at the same place while the world was ending.  
He hasn’t been able to confirm this entirely but Vanya probably died there too. Her body was just… lost?  
He doesn’t really know. He doesn’t know if he wants to.  
It also means that he has to stop his calendar soon. When the 1st of April is reached he doesn't know what to do with his second calendar. 

That doesn't matter though. 

All what matters is that he knows the numbers that are running from his hands onto the piece of paper in front of him.  
These numbers are the only things that will bring him back to them so they can avoid this happening all together.

These numbers.

Not the pictures in his head of his sibling’s bodies in the ruins of the place that was his home for a little over thirteen years.  
Not the thoughts about how different things might have been if he hadn’t run away.  
Would he have been able to save Ben, maybe?  
Would Vanya have been treated better if he stayed? Worse?  
It doesn’t matter.  
Because if he had stayed he would have died alongside them and that wouldn’t have helped anybody.

Just like his thoughts about how it would probably have been the best if Klaus died before the world ended, so he didn’t have to go through seeing the ghosts of everyone in the world.  
Or how he hopes Allison was able to see his niece one last time before the world ended and that Diego and Luther made up on Dad’s funeral.

All those are his wishes and hopes and most of them are highly unlikely and he has to stop thinking about it or he’ll never be able to get back.

Another reason to drink.

The wine washes away all of those intrusive thoughts and he can finally concentrate on the numbers.

The numbers are a better language than his thoughts anyway.

* * *

He wakes up in the middle of the night from the cold and looks around.

There are six empty bottles of wine laying on the ground and Five rubs at his forehead.  
He doesn’t get a real hangover anymore, just a slight throbbing between his eyebrows.

_Well, I hope you’re feeling ashamed right now,_ Delores says. His silent treatment is over.  
He does a little but she doesn’t have to know.

Right now he mostly just feels back pain from sleeping on the chair.

He makes a face and gets up to get his calendars and open them.

Another day is over. If he’d stayed home it would be the day Diego and Klaus had their last contact before their father’s death at least as far as he found evidence of.  
He thinks about all these missed things and opportunities.  
Once he’s back maybe they can celebrate all these missed birthdays, he thinks.  
It won’t be much longer now.

Right?


	6. The birthday to watch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben can't do much for his birthday.

**Number Six: The birthday to watch**

Ben really doesn’t feel like watching Klaus in the bath.   
Sure, he’s already seen him naked a couple of times, that’s what happens when you grow up in the same house and then later in life Klaus didn’t care much anymore about who saw him how but right now he really doesn't feel like seeing him like that. 

He decides to go to Beverly and Cassie and see what they’re talking about while Klaus takes his bath.   
He likes the two women, they’re very kind and they take in all kinds of people in need.   
Klaus was very young and Ben hadn’t been dead for long when they came here for the first time.   
Klaus was still half living at home back then, just that time he didn’t make it home.   
Some guy he’d been out with had taken him then carried him to the women’s place and they gave him a bed and held a bucket for him every time he threw up. Making sure they had a phone near them so they could call an ambulance if there was the need for one.

Ever since then Ben had kept these people in mind like all safe addresses for Klaus.

And after his dumb brother had found himself beat up by a guy (a _guy_ Ben would have shown his whole life of training in combat if said life wasn’t over already or maybe he’d even introduced him to the horrors if just… if... ) remembering it had proven more than useful.

* * *

Ben goes downstairs and through the walls into the kitchen where Beverly is sitting down at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.

Ben thinks about having a cup like that and he’s sure if he would have a body it would shutter.   
He misses taste. He misses smell too. He misses so much.

“He’s another goner, Cassie,” Beverly tells her wife.   
“You’re too negative, Bev…” she tells her and sits down at the table looking over at the taller woman.   
“No, Cas, I’m being realistic. We have eighteen years of experience with this and you know that I never was wrong when I said this, was I? He’s got no one and he doesn’t want to go to a clinic. They have to be willing and he clearly isn’t, Cassie…”

Ben wishes he could interject into their conversation right now.   
He wants to tell them that Klaus got _him_ and that there are their other siblings too, who would definitely try to help if they only knew how bad it really is.   
He wants to tell them that Klaus isn’t a goner.   
Klaus is different than their usual visitor. He had other reasons to start and he will stop eventually.   
He has to.   
He just needs time.

But Ben can’t tell them anything.

All he can do is listen to them, being forever designated to the role of a fly on the wall while the only person he can talk is doing everything to make that harder on him.

Being dead is the most frustrating thing.   
He’s disconnected from everything and he is sure if it wasn’t for Klaus he would have lost his mind like those other ghosts that he had seen on the few occasions Klaus was somewhat sober.

Ben hated these ghosts for what they did and are still doing to his brother but now that he’s one of them he kind of understands.   
Whenever Klaus isn’t near enough or too high or maybe passed out for a long time he feels his own sense of self slipping. He sometimes searches out his other siblings to stop it and even then it’s just not the same thing as being with Klaus.   
He’s lucky his brother can see and talk to him and that he's willing to. Other ghosts don’t have that luxury.  
Most don’t even have the luxury of their family still being there so they can observe them.

So he understands them better now, they are mad, mad with grief and pain and mad with the complete boredom of being stuck in between. But he still can’t say he likes them.   
Especially the ones that like to bother Klaus whenever he’s the teensiest bit sober.  
It isn’t Klaus’ fault that they are dead and it isn’t Klaus’ fault that he can see them. Just like the horrors weren’t Ben’s fault.

* * *

While he thinks his dark thoughts the two women continue their conversation.

“Why do we even bother with taking care of them if you’re always so negative about it?” Cassie asks putting her hands around her cup of coffee as if to warm herself.

Is it cold in the house? It might be.   
Ben wouldn’t know.   
Klaus looked like he was cold when he entered but Klaus always looks like that.  
Ben doesn’t remember what was so bothering about the cold. He remembers he didn’t like it and preferred warmth but he doesn’t remember how either felt.

Beverly sighs. “Because - and I know you know that too - some of them aren’t goners quiet yet, because sometimes miracles happen and because you know I was in his place…” she looks up at the ceiling as if she’s trying to listen for Klaus in the tub.

She looks a little like a worried mother, Ben thinks.

Not like Mom with her kind words and warm hugs which are like her perfect doll-like features, perfect and calming but somewhat intimidating.

No, Bev looks like a mother who has had to deal with a lot.   
A mother whose children caused more than one hair on her head to go grey and who had to work hard to get where she is now.   
A mother who sometimes got angry and made mistakes.  
A mother who despite all that trouble can’t help but love these children.

The kind of mother he used to love to read about as a child.   
Because back then a human parent seemed just as fantastical as dragons, fairies and wizards.

“Bev... “ Cassie says and takes a hand away from her cup and puts it onto her lovers shoulder. “You okay?”   
“Yes, sorry I was just... “ she makes a vague gesture.   
Cassie nods and sighs.

They look at each other and Ben finds their silence to be so comfortable he almost feels like he is intruding an intimate moment.   
But that happens a lot as a ghost anyway.   
Klaus claims he’s just nosy but it’s not really that.

Yes, Ben might be nosy too but he can’t help but stay and watch people.

Watching interactions between them, the way their body will shake when they’re laughing or crying a lot, soft touches, bare feet turning pink on cold ground...

All these small things of life Ben is missing now.

All he can do now is watch.   
Which Ben thinks isn’t really wrong, after all somebody who’s dead already can’t be charged for stalking anymore.

* * *

Klaus enters some time later, hair still damp dressed in the outfit Beverly put out for him.   
The pants are ridiculously tight on him but it’s exactly what he loves and he knows that this is not the last time he’ll see them on his brother.

Klaus grins at the women, ignoring Ben which he always does when there are other people around.   
Or tries to do anyway.   
Ben can see wavering acknowledgment in his eyes and Klaus makes a point of not sitting so his back is turned towards Ben.

He can appreciate those small things at least.

“Hey,” Beverly smiles sadly and looks at him. “Do you want something to eat? We can heat up some lasagne for you.”   
“No, thank you, the bath was already enough,” Klaus claims and Ben asks himself if his brother is completely mad now.

“What are you doing?” he hisses at Klaus. “You better take their food. You haven’t had any real meal in like two days!”

“Come on now,” Cassie says at the same moment and smiles. “You’re far too thin. You have to eat something and the lasagne is already done. We just need to heat it up.”

Klaus has to agree with that and Ben is glad to see him eating only a few minutes later.

A real meal.  
That’s good.   
Klaus needs to eat.   
Cassie is right, he is far too thin.

After he has eaten his brother looks tired, like he’s about to fall from the chair and Bev smiles her kind smile that gives her whole face life and leads him to the guest room.

Ben takes place on the drawer and watches Klaus.   
He knows what will come now and he doesn’t want to see it nor can he really look away.

Klaus stumbles towards his backpack and gets the small case full with pills putting three in his mouth and dry swallowing.   
At least no needles this time Ben thinks and then he thinks what a horrible thought that is to have about your own brother.

Klaus lets himself fall on the bed which creaks loudly under his weight.

“G’Night, Ben,” he mumbles.

“Good Night, Klaus,” he says and smiles sadly as he watches his brother sleep. “Happy Birthday.”

He really wishes he’d taken him up on that offer to read a book.


	7. The dull birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's just nothing special about Vanya's birthday.

**Number Seven: The dull birthday **

Vanya's only visitor on her birthday is Mrs. Kowalski's cat.

As she pets him she thinks about something Klaus told her once when they turned 14 or 15 (Vanya remembers that it was a birthday and that Five's disappearance was still recent enough for it to feel weird to celebrate a birthday without him).   
Klaus said if he'd ever have a cat he'd name it Kater because that was the German word for both male cat and for hangover.

Random memories of her siblings always pop into her head when it's her birthday. Mr. Puddles meows and she sighs.   
"I should bring you back so you can watch some TV with your owner…" she tells him and for a moment she thinks she can see a twinkle of disgust in the cat's eyes.   
As If he's trying to say: _Are you trying to kill me? I have much more interesting things to do than watch that dumb afternoon program again._

Vanya laughs. She's so lonely that she's making up a conversation with a cat.

"You know I've got a brother who'd absolutely fall in love with a fluffy, pretty, grey cat like you," she tells Mr. Puddles. "It's his birthday today too. Mine as well. We all have the same… the same birthday. If Mrs. Kowalski wouldn't miss you so much and I knew where he was I think you'd make a great birthday gift… though you'd have to get used to a new name… and maybe to not always having food as regularly. And a really unreliable owner..."

The cat's eyes twinkle again and she imagines him telling her that he can always hunt and that her brother sounds much more interesting than his boring owner.   
She has to agree.   
She imagines Klaus gets up to much more fun stuff than old Mrs Kowalski or her for that matter. Though then again he is addicted to a lot of drugs. It all has its downsides she guesses.

* * *

She brings Mr. Puddles back to his owner eventually who thanks her by inviting her in for cookies and tea.

Vanya tries to say no but Mrs. Kowalski insists and pulls her into her apartment which smells like herbs and cream and old people.

The cookies are good even though they are a little on the dry side.

Mrs. Kowalski goes on and on about Mr. Puddles running away all the time while the cat - the _Kater_ Vanya thinks seeing the grinning face of a teenaged Klaus in front of her inner eye - has curled up into a purring ball, maybe he enjoys living with Mrs. Kowalski after all, Vanya thinks.  
Maybe he just wants to dare once in a while and then come back to his sweet old lady and get Purina Cat Chow and Dreamies with the sound of the TV in the background.

Vanya thinks that makes Mr. Puddles, the cat, a bit of a role model.

He knows what's just the right amount between a relaxed comfortable life and whatever adventures he goes on.

Vanya can imagine him with a band of street cats running around and searching for mice to hunt or trash bins to get treats from.

It's a pretty fun thought she probably shouldn't share with Mrs. Kowalski.

* * *

In the end she’s able to make her neighbor let her leave taking a box of her cookies with her and promising to come back.

She breathes out and looks out of the window taking in the grey city through her dirty window.

She thinks about Mr. Puddles and all of his freedom and wants to run away like him.   
Suddenly she feels angry.   
Angry that she’s still here in this boring city.   
Angry that she has celebrated her birthday with a cat and an old woman who both didn’t know it was her birthday but showed her more kindness than anyone did in the last… she doesn’t know how long.   
Angry that she can’t just leave from this life.

She takes one of her pills in a quick motion.  
  
It only takes four seconds and the world is dull once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM IN TIME!!!   
It's still the first of October and I am in time. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented, liked or just read this mess of a story that helped me through this September. 
> 
> And also Happy Birthday to the Hargreeves siblings. <3
> 
> (I might add another chapter or I might choose to sleep. I don't know yet)


End file.
